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What a great quote!

"If a Nation expects to be ignorant and free in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be... if we are to guard against ignorance and remain free, it is the responsibility of every American to be informed." -- Thomas Jefferson


It has been five grueling years.  Speaking up about what happened to my Benny and so many others has been very difficult,  yet I know that I am sane because I have created a platform for my grief for Benny.  I welcome anyone who wants to email me or sign the guestbook on this website.  Also if you have special memories which include PICTURES AND WRITINGS of Benny please share them with me/us.  A big thank you to everyone who loves Benny and continue to remember his laughter and light.  Words hardly seem adequate yet they have freed me from some of my heartbreak.

This explains exactly how I feel about Ben's murder!
It was printed in our POMC newsletter - March 2007 and reprinted from Horizons Survivors Program Newsletter in Feb-March 2007. 

Excerpt from "Tears of Rage" by John Walsh


People who haven't been hit by crime can still enjoy what I call " the luxury of being naive".

They go around thinking that it could never happen to them. I envy those people; I truly do.

They don't know any better. They don't understand that once it happens to you everything changes.

Every tiny aspect of your life, and even though you may look the same on the outside and may be acting the same way,

on the inside you're coming from a totally different place".


...If God forbid someone you know has something horrible like this happen to them, there is really only one thing that you can do.

You can listen to them. Sit there. Listen. And don't give half-assed advice.Tell them it is not God's plan. That they will survive. And that they do not deserve this. Nobody chooses this. This is not a test. We are not Job. This is not Jesus or God or Muhammed testing to see whether someone who is in the middle of a horrible tragedy can deal with it to earn points for the next life.

What God in the world would have planned for Adam Walsh to be murdered and decapitated so that I could become an advocate for children? God didn't sit down some where and plan for my little boy to die so that I could be on TV and change hundreds of laws No way. That's nobody's God - not Hindu or Muslim or Jewish or Christian. Those are just trite thing people say to try to make you feel better. "Time will heal all things." It doesn't heal anything. It lessons the pain, but it doesn't make it go away. It never heals.

The day they put me in the coffin is when my pain for Adam will heal." 

"The impact that the death of my only child has had on me, where do I begin?"

"My son was going to learn how to drive this summer.  He hadn’t had his first shave.  He was funny like no one else I know.  He loved children like I do.  His interests included nature, camping, animals, fast cars, video games, and comedy.  We loved watching comedy together.  I loved talking to my son and finding out what he thought about the world and how to deal with life.  He would have made a great father because he understood first hand what rejection from his father was.

His voice was still changing, when I would laugh at his squeaky tones he would get mad.  It wasn’t easy for us, a single mom raising a son by herself.  One thing I know for sure is he knew he was loved.  Everyday I would tell him he was loved and he was snuggled and hugged constantly.  He loved babysitting his cousins with me.  He considered his cousins his siblings.  Every summer he would go to camp, sometimes twice to different camps.  The highlight of his camping experience was a trip to the Boundary Waters in July of 2002.  They canoed and portaged 236 miles!  He told me he wanted a career that would include working with his hands.  He liked working on gadgets and like most teenagers and children, was a whiz with technology.  The void in my life will never be filled from this loss.  I am at times paralyzed with grief.  The emotional toll is all encompassing.  My whole life for the past 15 years was Benny.  I will not let his life be in vain.  The very handsome young teen was growing into a wonderful young man, ready to go to college.  He wanted to get married and be a good dad, he told me at one point.  I no longer have that future.  A future that would have included grandchildren.  I have ten siblings and twenty seven nieces and nephews.  I am grateful for their support and sad that they have to mourn for my Benny, too.  We all have to mourn because of this huge loss.  He was my buddy.  I will never love anyone as much as him. 

Watching my beautiful Bennyboy growing into a man, finding out what he wanted to do in this great big world.  I had planned on going back to school myself when he graduated from high school.  Maybe the same college!  He informed me he didn’t like that idea!  Now he is gone because of stupidity, ignorance and violence.  I will never get over missing my Ben.  The gash in my heart cannot be mended.  I will work to keep my son’s memory alive with education, awareness and sensitivity via the arts and sciences.

This impact statement was read to the court by my brother when Ben's killers were sentenced in August 2003.



We have come this far because of the generous support of our family and friends.  We have hosted nine benefits since Ben's foundation was formed.   We have also received support through local community grants.  We need donations to keep us going!  We are grassroots and depend on every contribution.

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