"The impact that the death of my only child has had on me, where do I begin?"

"My son was going to learn how to drive this summer.  He hadn’t had his first shave.  He was funny like no one else I know.  He loved children like I do.  His interests included nature, camping, animals, fast cars, video games, and comedy.  We loved watching comedy together.  I loved talking to my son and finding out what he thought about the world and how to deal with life.  He would have made a great father because he understood first hand what rejection from his father was.

His voice was still changing, when I would laugh at his squeaky tones he would get mad.  It wasn’t easy for us, a single mom raising a son by herself.  One thing I know for sure is he knew he was loved.  Everyday I would tell him he was loved and he was snuggled and hugged constantly.  He loved babysitting his cousins with me.  He considered his cousins his siblings.  Every summer he would go to camp, sometimes twice to different camps.  The highlight of his camping experience was a trip to the Boundary Waters in July of 2002.  They canoed and portaged 236 miles!  He told me he wanted a career that would include working with his hands.  He liked working on gadgets and like most teenagers and children, was a whiz with technology.  The void in my life will never be filled from this loss.  I am at times paralyzed with grief.  The emotional toll is all encompassing.  My whole life for the past 15 years was Benny.  I will not let his life be in vain.  The very handsome young teen was growing into a wonderful young man, ready to go to college.  He wanted to get married and be a good dad, he told me at one point.  I no longer have that future.  A future that would have included grandchildren.  I have ten siblings and twenty seven nieces and nephews.  I am grateful for their support and sad that they have to mourn for my Benny, too.  We all have to mourn because of this huge loss.  He was my buddy.  I will never love anyone as much as him. 

Watching my beautiful Bennyboy growing into a man, finding out what he wanted to do in this great big world.  I had planned on going back to school myself when he graduated from high school.  Maybe the same college!  He informed me he didn’t like that idea!  Now he is gone because of stupidity, ignorance and violence.  I will never get over missing my Ben.  The gash in my heart cannot be mended.  I will work to keep my son’s memory alive with education, awareness and sensitivity via the arts and sciences.

This impact statement was read to the court by my brother when Ben's killers were sentenced in August 2003.